Day 2: MOAR BETTAH

Day 2 gave me 7703 steps. A little jaunt at lunch and once around the parking garage got me in a good place where I only needed a nice stroll after dinner to get me to the promise land.

I did however sustain an injury.

I have a mosquito bite on my upper butt. Of course, this begs the question ... how did the aforementioned winged insect get into my pants? It's not like I was rocking a belly shirt and some hip huggers. I was wearing properly fitting jeans and a standard torso cover. How did it get in there? Did it wriggle into my jeans and then stop randomly to bite me and then wriggle back out? Why didn't I notice this? Did it die IN my pants?

I only have one answer that makes sense:

THEY HAVE MAGICAL PANTS-INVADING TECHNOLOGY.

Not my mosquito. Not my butt.

In yoga news, Rodney was kind to me and my injury. He said that we should do some "restorative" yoga. Basically, lots of rolling around on the floor and concentrating on "letting the weight of my body sink into the earth."

While it was nice before bed ... it was a little too ... low impact. Even Winston left me ... and he never quits a workout session. I'm going to try something more beefy for tonight's session. I hope Rodney is ready.

WEEKEND, HO!

Day 1: Alone, Dark, and In the Rain

My Day 1 was a complete shitshow. Yeah. I said it.

I woke up late. I rushed to work. I sat at my desk ALL DAMN DAY (Slingin that MAD CODE, yo. I'm like the Heisenberg of Email).

SAY MY NAME

When I left at 730pm, I had a GRAND TOTAL of 436 steps. Only 7,064 steps to go. AND some damn yoga to practice. So I get in the car, head to Target (I had to get a TIARA and some toothpaste), head home. Thankfully Target and the parking lot got me up to about 2500 steps. I stomp into the kitchen. Eat my shrimp and veg. Stomp outside to walk around aimlessly. It's dark. It's raining. I'm in my dress clothes from work.

I look like a pacing-business casual-weirdo. BUT DAMMIT I GOT MAH STEPS. 7534, bitches.

So then I stomp home. Stomp upstairs. Stomp to our exercise room. AND DO SOME MUTHER_FRACKING YOGA with Rodney. And Winston.

Aside: Winston LOVES watching either of us work out. He often will just sit and stare and purr the entire time. It's weird. I think he may have been a personal trainer in another life.

Not Winston.

Rodney decided to take us to Maui for our session ... wearing nothing but bike shorts. Also, Rodney told me to "relax my back into animal suppleness". Which I totally did. My back was totally as supple as an animal.

Also, also, Rodney is totally married (he was wearing his ring ... I noticed during NAMASTE) ... so we will have to keep our special times together ... SUPER SECRET.

Anyhow ... lessons learned:

1. Get up earlier
2. Walk more during the day
3. Plan ahead

30 Days of ....

Yoga and Walking!

JEN! YOU BE SERIOUS CRAY!

I know. I AM CRAY. No surprise here.

SO I've been hemming and hawing about whether I should do 30 days of yoga or 30 days of putting 10,000 steps on my FitBit. Finally, I just decided to split the difference.

5 Instances of Yoga a week
7500 steps a day on my FitBit.

10,000 steps is just not super attainable for me right now. I'm veering into busy season at work (so I'm chained to my desk for a good part of the day). Also, it would be a pretty big ramp to get to from my 3-5K a day to 10K. 7500 is a nice stretch goal.

Speaking of stretching, yoga action.

Me and my friend, Rodney Yee, will be spending some quality time together 5 times a week. I fell in love with him doing some super gentle back care yoga ... so I feel ready to take our relationship a little further.

DON'T TELL NATE THAT ANOTHER MAN IS SEEING ME ALL STRETCHY AND SWEATY.

I know ... it's on a DVD ... but Rodney has eyes EVERYWHERE.  He's one dangerous, bad ass mother ... SHUT YOUR MOUTH .. I'm just talking about Rodney!

The next adventure starts TOMORROW and magically completes on my birthday!

Also, if I become this girl ... please do smack me with a wet fish across my face.

Day 32! Or the End! Or is it?

First, a hearty THANK YOU to everyone cheering us on during our little adventure. All the support we have received from everyone has really made this experiment work. There were a few times where I said to myself: Dude. This is dumb. Go get some cheese.

And then I thought about having to come here and publicly shame myself ... and that helped me survive.



Second! I know you are ... perhaps ... curious ... as to our results. So was I! Drum roll please.

Jen:

• Lost 11 pounds
• Lost 5 inches
• Lost 2% of body LARD
• Fasting blood sugar dropped 20 points

Nate:

• Lost 8 pounds
• Lost 4 inches
• Lost 2% of body LARD

I want to state, for the record, we did not do any increased exercise. Just same old stuff. Also, Nate did not track foods AT ALL. 

Other stuff that I noticed:

• Less hungry between meals (and less stabby)
• Less joint/back pain
• Better sleep
• Little/no allergy symptoms
• Better mood regulation

PRETTY NEAT STUFF RIGHT HERE.

Third. What happens next?

Well, that's a damn good question. Let's start with Nate-Dogg (REGULATE!!!!!).

Nate says that he is basically going to keep the same diet however beer and other goodies will make an appearance from time to time. He already "reintroduced" booze last night. It seemed to be fine.

Jen. Ah, Jen. Jen will now refer to herself in the third person. THIRD PERSON JEN! Jen is going to continue on this crazy ride for a bit longer. As STRAIGHT UP CRAY as it may sound, Jen really doesn't miss cheese or booze or bread or sugar. And Jen doesn't really relish the thought of potentially making herself ill reintroducing them. Now, don't get me wrong. I KNOW JEN. Like personally. And I KNOW that she will eventually want wine and cheese and other stuff. But just not RIGHT NOW. SO ... if it ain't broke ...

FOURTH MEAL. Do you have advice for other people trying this Whole 30 thing?

• Invest in tupperware for lunches and snacks.
• PLAN AHEAD. Read menus before you go to the restaurant. Pack snacks. Being prepared will save your ass.
• Breathe. It's just food. 
• Get as much variety as you can. Salad every day for lunch will kill your spirit.
• Don't let yourself get too hungry.
• Don't let the haters get to you. YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT!
• Don't be a hermit. You CAN go out. You CAN hang out with friends. It is POSSIBLE.
• Sign up for the daily mails from the Whole 30 people. They really do help you stay motivated.
• Be accountable. Get a buddy. Start a blog. Do something so you aren't alone.

FIFTHLY. What is next???

Well, I still haven't decided the particulars. I like the idea of another challenge (that I get to whine about on this blog). I'm thinking it's going to be both YOGA and FitBit related. More to come.

Again, THANK YOU for playing along at home!

Ok ... Freddie ... play us out.

Day 27: J and Silent Bob shall return

You know how in movies with NASA there's that part where communications with the spaceship go dark for a period of time? Usually during a pretty critical part of mission? Well, true to NASA .. that is going to happen here. I won't be able to report back until Day 31.

Totally real image. TOTALLY.

Nate and I are hosting visitors and then headed (with aforementioned visitors) to the ocean for a few days.

You can look forward to the following, upon our return:

• Results! With DATA and maybe GRAPHS
• Maybe I will let Nate speak. Maybe. He is the Silent Bob of our partnership.
• Pros/Cons of the entire process
• WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?????!!!????

See you on the other side!!!

Day 25: So ... now what?

We've been at this challenge now for 25 days. While it may be premature to celebrate, I really do think we've got this one in the bag. NOTHING BUT NET, SUCKAS! SWISH!

(I believe that to be some sort of sport analogy.)

So, I've been pondering what I should tackle next. I have plenty of goals. I have another project of 101 goals in 1001 days (AKA the dayzeroproject). I have a couple diet/exercise goals that I could start next.

Maybe one of these:

• Do yoga every day for a month (I have a ton of yoga DVDs)
• Run/jog 1 mile non-stop (Ugh.)
• Complete P90X (More UGH. But ... Nate did it ... SO I MUST)
• Do a 30x30 Challenge (30 minutes of physical activity for 30 days) (Seems straightforward)
• Hike to the top of Mt. Si (UGH. Remind me to tell you a story of EPIC WOE about Mt. Si)
• Hit 10,000 steps a day on my Fitbit every day for a month

I know. These probably seem pretty weak sauce to some of my buff buddies out there in the world. DO NOT JUDGE ME. I AM SEDENTARY. I AM REALLY GOOD AT SITTING.

I also hate the outside. The sun wants to kill me (IT BURRRRRRNSSSS). The air is poison. The plants are poison (I am allergic to everything). The animals are poison (Except cats. Squirrels can fuck right off). Other people are horrible and honk at me. 

SEE!

I must ponder. 

Day 23: Extinction Burst and Banana Bread

WASSSSSUPPPP?

There are things I must tell you:

1. On Sunday, I got a bee in my bonnet and did some baking. I made Banana Bread (gluten and gluten free) for the office with out putting any of it into my mouth hole. It was bizarre. I didn't feel any sort of need to consume it or taste the delicious batter. Generally, in the past, only about half of the baking would make it into the office because I was "making sure it tasted ok". HEH.

SO delicious ... but meh.

2. I learned a new term. EXTINCTION BURST.

"While extinction, when implemented consistently over time, results in the eventual decrease of the undesired behavior, in the short-term the subject might exhibit what is called an extinction burst. An extinction burst will often occur when the extinction procedure has just begun. This usually consists of a sudden and temporary increase in the response's frequency, followed by the eventual decline and extinction of the behavior targeted for elimination. Novel behavior, or emotional responses or aggressive behavior, may also occur"

AND

"The evolutionary advantage of this extinction burst is clear. In a natural environment, an animal that persists in a learned behavior, despite not resulting in immediate reinforcement, might still have a chance of producing reinforcing consequences if the animal tries again. This animal would be at an advantage over another animal that gives up too easily."

Basically, it's the thing where you are doing well on changing a habit and then all of a sudden your brain starts thinking of ways to undo your progress. It happened to me on Saturday. All of a sudden I had a deep craving/thought-hunger for donuts. WTF, brain! I didn't follow thru .. but it was disturbing because it was just all of a sudden. DAMN YOU, EXTINCTION BURST.

3. FEAR PANTS

I am happy to report that I no longer own any FEAR PANTS. But Jen, what, pray tell, are FEAR PANTS? I will tell you. FEAR PANTS are the pants you have in your closet that you are afraid to wear because they may be uncomfortable.

I no longer have FEAR PANTS. I tried on every single pair of pants I own (even those ones in the bag that I was planning to give to Goodwill) and each one fit. I mean ... some of them are still not super amazing ... but they fit. AND I AM NOT AFRAID OF THEM.

Day 20: Descent into Weekend: Part Deux: The Reckoning

Can you believe it? 20 DAYS!!!!

DAMN STRAIGHT.

As previously mentioned, often times weekends can be my downfall. However, the upcoming weekend is PACKED full of tasks and things to do ... so I'm not super worried.

Saturday:

• Breakfast with a friend
• Acupuncture
• Creative meeting with my collaboration partner on a theater/art piece we are working upon (codename: SLUTTY PERIOD PROJECT)
• Errands

Sunday:

• SLEEPING
• Moar errands
• Cleaning the house, as we are expecting guests next weekend!
• Probably slinging some work emails. THE EMAIL MUST FLOW LIKE THE SPICE

I am MOST looking forward to SLEEPING and acupuncture. I will submit that acupuncture is just like sleeping except you have needles in your face.

Except I mostly get them in my back, legs, forehead, and EARS!

Hopefully your weekend will be stellar too! And maybe less needle-ish.

Day 18: The Day I Spat at My Desk

Today, I have spat at my desk.

Well, not AT my desk ... whilst seated at my work station.

The deets:

I ambled to the fridge and got a Talking Rain. They are delicious, carbonated waters ... sans any artificial ingredients. They look like this:

My favorite is the Peach/Nectarine but we were out of them.

I take my tasty beverage back to my desk and pop that top. Take a swig. And ... this is ... NOT Talking Rain. AT. ALL.

IT IS FRESCA.

OMG NOOOOOOOOOOO

I have HORROR in my mouth. I scan for a receptacle and EXPECTORATE the FRESCA into half full (cold coffee) cup. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, FRESCA! ( OMG SO FUCKING GROSS.)

This is strangely accurate. I'm very pale.

Then I have to take my SPIT CUP to the kitchen. I'm seriously giving myself the HEAVES just talking about this nonsense.

The point being ... I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED. By Fresca, by outings, by HATERSS, by whatever ...

Now ... here is a cute koala:

Day 16: Tiger Blood and My Pants

According to the friendly email I received this morning ... I should FEEL the TIGER BLOOD running through mah veins.

WINNING. Blood is TOTALLY on-plan, tiger or otherwise.

I'm not sure I know what that would feel like. The closest examples I have are my cats (they are kinda mini-tigers, right?). They sleep A LOT. They are loud when they want something. They have sharp claws. Again, I don't know how that translates to human activity ... but they are adorable.

Winston is #WINNING.

Anyhow. I actually don't feel so awesome. I have slug blood. Or whatever the opposite of TIGER BLOOD should be. Why? I'm not sure. However, I have a hypothesis. I think my drugs are making me sick. Now, not the FUN/AWESOME drugs ... but the boring drugs. I take something that lowers my blood sugar (NOT insulin) and I think all of this WHOLE30 stuff is making that medication work ... TOO well. My evidence:

I HAVE TEH GRAPHS:

My fasting and non-fasting blood sugars. Droppin' like it's hot, yo.

Calories. Kinda wild and crazy before ... low and even now.

I'm thinking that my body and medications are fighting. Ergo = I feel like crap. I'll tough it out for awhile and if things get TOO WEIRD/UNCOMFORTABLE I shall avail myself of my physician, forthwith.

In other news, it may be time to retire TWO pairs of pants. TWO! I have 3 pairs of black work pants (I know, boring. I am seriously fashion stunted. DO NOT JUDGE MEEEE). Two of these are made of semi-stretchy space age fabrics. These two pairs of pants are getting scandalously too big. By scandalously, I mean, I have moments in the parking garage where I'm glad that I park in the 5th circle of hell because a random passerby would have gotten A SHOW. FOR FREE.

And Mama doesn't just shell out the show for FREE.

How does one retire ... PANTS? I'm thinking Nate and I shall have a ceremony where I hoist my pants up to the ceiling of our closet while Boyz II Men plays, "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye" ...

Picture IT:


AND THEN THIS ... lit with spotlights, pulled up super slow ....

Adieu, pants. Adieu.

*sniff*

It's so .... beautiful.

Day 13: Missing my scale ...

Something you don't know about Nate (my husband): He is a sneaky, sneaky man.

When we were prepping the house for our little experiment, he went around and removed our off plan foods. Sure, makes sense. He even hid my grandmother's cookie jar (which was STUFFED with Pocky and chocolate). He also hid our scales.

One of the "rules" for the experiment is refrain from scale hopping for the duration of the program. Now, I've had cravings for diet soda, for bread, for sugar in the last 13 days ... but nothing like my craving for DATA.

I NEEEEEEDS THE DATAAAAAA.

Not this guy. But I hear he's fully functional. HEH.

I will fully admit to being a scale hopper. I even have a fancy Aria scale that wirelessly uploads my data to my own personal website where I can make charts and graphs. I wear my Fitbit. I track my sleep. I check my blood sugar. I even have a log (HEH) in my bathroom where I write everything down, just to have a hard copy.

Now, there's a hole in my data set .. and it bugs me. Even more ... I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE HE HID MY SCALE!

WHERE ARE YOU, SCOOBY DOOOOO?

Late last night, I was SO jonesing for a data fix that I was manically searching the upstairs for my scale ... throwing towels and linens askew ... almost in a panic. And I was in my underwear. Just FYI.

But why? WHY?

Well, I'm a results driven, goal oriented person. I need to KNOW that I'm making "progress" and that "progress" should be 100% measurable. And I guess, in the past, the only (important) measure of  "progress" was a number on the scale.

BUT, JEN. COME ON NOW. THE SCALE IS LAME.

I know. There are other metrics. There's number of steps in a day. There's blood sugar levels. There's measurements. There's fat percentage. There's how you FEEL.  HOW I FEEL????!!!??? Honestly, the idea of HOW I FEEL as a success metric is icky to me.

Hmmmm.

I  find it interesting that the  "HOW I FEEL" metric is icky to me ...that a number is more valid (in my own mind) than my own assessment of my current state. Maybe I don't trust my own assessment? Maybe just "feeling good" is not "enough"?

Maybe I'm rambling and navel gazing and boring the crap out of you?

LOOK! The funniest cat video EVAR:

Day 12: Goat Rodeo Uprising

Ugh. Guys .... today has been a shitshow. An absolute GOAT RODEO of a Day.

Cat herding AND Goat Rodeo! WHEEEE!

I think I was cursed from the beginning because the theme of today's mail, brought to you by the lovely folks at Whole9, was STRESS.

I found this part interesting:

"So, are you a stress junkie? Does any of the following sound like you?"

• Are you always on tight deadlines, multi-tasking within an inch of your life or creating ridiculous schedules for yourself? -- UM. Let me check my schedule.
• Are you a perfectionist in everything you do, even when it doesn't really matter? IT *DOES* MATTER IF NATE'S T-SHIRT DRAWER IS NOT FOLDED CORRECTLY. Duh.
• Are you an inattentive listener, checking email, paying bills or cleaning while on the phone? - I'm sorry, what?
• Are you constantly worrying about "what if," stuck in an endless loop of dreaming up worst-case scenarios? -- What if I totally screw up this answer and everyone hates me???
• Do you rush everywhere, all the time, because there are other things elsewhere you should be doing? -- Uh. Yes?
• Have you lost all sense of patience, losing your cool when faced with even a minor telephone hold, appointment delay or grocery store line? -- Possibly.
• Are you always saying, "Things will calm down soon," but they never, ever do? -- But ... it will calm down like next week, right???
• Does the idea of a restorative yoga class, meditation or sitting quietly for 15 minutes make you want to crawl out of your skin? -- I'd rather put pins in MAH EYE HOLES.

Soooooo.....I might be a stress junkie. MIGHT! 

More: http://whole9life.com/2011/11/stress-addiction-1/

MoreMore: http://whole9life.com/2011/11/stress-addiction-2/

I will need to read this a bit more for comprehension .. I just have skimmed ... but yeah. Seems about right. And I *know* that I get wound up about stuff that no one else gives a pile of dung about. And I know it's not healthy. It's just a matter of figuring out what to stress about and what not to stress about. 

To Chill or Not to Chill ... that is the question.

I mean ... when I TELL myself to chill ... it's like Samuel L. Jackson telling me to chill. This whole scene (below) is basically what is going on in my head at all times (just add circus music and cats)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMV_r4LjQIo

So ... I guess I have another thing to figure out. YAY.

Day 11: I have emerged ... VICTORIOUS

Today I have been presented with:

• Top Pot Donuts
• Cheese (OMG all SORT OF DELICIOUS CHEESES)
• Appetizers
• German Brats
• and of course ... ALL OF THE BOOZES (including my own personal bottle of Veuve)

Popping bottles in the G6.

And then add a bunch of unpleasant emotions, stress, and having to meet new people in a semi-awkward social situation. Did I falter? Did I fail? Did I despair? DID I HAVE TO SHANK BITCHES???? NO! 

Victory or Death, motherfucker.

Yeah. That's right. AWWWWWW YEAH.  I was once again victorious. And frankly, I really didn't feel left out of all the stuff that was happening around me. I just clutched my sparkling water and smiled at people. I SMILED AT PEOPLE. 

And now, I have meatballs and homemade mayo waiting at home for me to feast upon! Thank the universe for a husband that can cook (and likes it!).

BTW: I heard this on the radio which I thought was amusing:

The food of your choice that will end your life tonight