Day 2: Angry, Bitter, and Loud ... Yoga!

Today, I went and did a yoga class with my friend, Carolynne. Now, I have taken all sorts of yoga. Hot. Hatha. Power. Vinyasa. Gentle. I've never tried this particular flavor: Kundalini. Carolynne warned me that it was going to be "chanty and hippie" and probably unlike most yoga I've done before. And yes ... all those things were true.

Let me now share with you my inner monologue during the class:

"For a yoga teacher ... you sure are surly."
"He totally didn't even acknowledge my joke about the release form. JERK."
"Whoa. Did you just tell that girl to STAY OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS.????"
"My mat is SO pretty. Oh .. wait. It's Nate's pretty pink mat. Dammit. I have mat envy."
"Yoga teacher gets to sit on a platform and spin mad beats like a DJ? Awesome."
"Mac Book. Nice."
"I shouldn't have sat in front. I can tell he hates me already."
"Oh. We are chanting? I need a script here."
"Dragon Fire breathing? OMG. I'm going to pass out."
"Dude. I can't even breathe properly. This is going to suuuuuuccccckkkkk."
"I feel SO high right MEOW."
"Oh shitballs. More breathing? Um. Lord Shiva help me."
"I have to put my arms at 60 degrees? Can I do about a 47 degree slant?"
"MY ARMS ARE ON FIREEEEEE."
"Passing. Out. Now."
"Oh thank god we are standing now."
"It's ok. Just go slow."
"I can hear that girl in the back breathing from here. She's an EXPERT breather."
"Yes, yoga dude. I'm trying to be DETERMINED. I'm determined NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW."
"This pose is like an X-Wing fighter. I AM LUKE SKYWALKER, BITCHESSS."
"Hmm.. Shoulder pose. Not. Happening."
"Look, with all our feet in the air it looks like we are pedaling the sky!"
"Whoa. Kinda high again."
"Do. Not. Have. Core. Strength."
"Oh plow pose? LOL. Not. Happening. My boobs would suffocate me."
"More chanting. I think I got this one. Something about heart and then Siri from the IPhone and Wagyu beef."
"Expert Breather is also Expert Chanter. SO. Loud."
"YAY! Time to lie down. I'm super good at this part."
"..."
"......................."
"..................................................."
"Did Yoga dude leave?"
"..............................................................."
"..........................................................................."
"Seriously, are we being trolled right now????"
"Oh thank Shiva .. he's returned from his smoke break."
"Aww. There's singing now. I'll just make noises with my mouth."
"So ... how long should I sit here? I don't want to be the first one to roll up Nate's pretty pink mat."

And then ... the class was over. It was definitely .... different. And hard. And I'll probably be feeling it tomorrow. =)